From a Mother Who Knows
Maddi was 20 years old.
Twenty.
She had her whole life ahead of her. Dreams. Plans. A baby in her arms.
Maddi’s kindred spirit and her true love for others — even strangers — was out of this world. She never met a stranger. She wanted to take care of everyone. She was a true servant at heart. The kind of person who would give you her last dollar, her last ounce of energy, her last prayer.
More than anything, she wanted to be a mother. She wanted to experience true love.
And she did.
She got 3½ weeks with her baby boy before God called her home.
There are no words big enough for that kind of heartbreak.
The First Week
The first week was horrible.
I felt dazed. Confused. Numb.
I would forget she was gone.
For a split second, my mind would move toward normal — I need to call Maddi — and then it would hit me again like a wave knocking the air out of my chest.
The exhaustion was overwhelming. I would finally fall asleep, only to wake up and relive the loss all over again like it had just happened. Every morning felt like the worst morning of my life.
If you are in those first days right now, please hear me:
The shock is real.
The fog is real.
The way your body feels like it cannot function — that is real too.
You are not losing your mind.
You are grieving your child.
When Faith Feels Fragile
My faith felt weakest when I thought about Zane growing up without his mother.
That question pierced me deeper than any other.
The Questions That Hurt
How could this be God’s plan?
Why would He allow a baby to grow up without his mama?
Why would Maddi, who wanted nothing more than to love and serve, be called home so soon?
Those questions still ache.
But my faith felt strongest when I was surrounded by family and friends. When our home was full again. When our remaining children were back under one roof for the first time in over two years.
For all the horrible things this loss brought, it also brought us back together.
There were moments — even in the devastation — where I could feel God holding us through the hands of the people around us.
Sometimes faith in early grief is not standing strong.
Sometimes it is being carried.
To the Parent Who Just Lost Their Young Adult Child
You were not finished loving them.
They were becoming who they were meant to be. You had history behind you and dreams in front of you. You expected to see them build a life, raise babies, grow old.
Instead, you are planning a funeral.
It is unnatural. It is unfair. It is devastating.
You may:
- Feel numb one minute and shattered the next
- Forget they’re gone for a split second
- Wake up each morning reliving it
- Question everything you believe
You are not faithless for asking questions.
You are wounded.
Love Did Not End
Maddi’s life mattered.
Her kindness mattered.
Her servant heart mattered.
The 3½ weeks she spent loving her baby boy mattered.
Your child’s life mattered too.
Death changes the relationship, but it does not erase love. You are still their mother. You are still their father. That identity does not end at a graveside.
Love does not stop.
If You’re in the First Days
Right now, your only job is to breathe.
Drink water.
Eat something small.
Let people sit with you.
Ignore the expectations of the world.
If you cannot pray, that’s okay. There were moments I couldn’t either.
God is close to the brokenhearted — not the polished, put-together ones. The broken ones.
A Prayer for Grieving Parents
Father God,
There are no words for this kind of pain.
You see the parent reading this right now. You see the empty bedroom, the unanswered texts, the silence that feels unbearable. Wrap them in Your presence in a way only You can.
When their body is exhausted, give them rest.
When their mind replays the moment over and over, give them peace.
When their faith feels fragile, hold them steady.
Be near to their grandbabies, to the siblings, to the family left trying to make sense of what cannot be understood.
Remind them that love does not end.
Remind them that You are still God, even here.
And carry them through this valley one breath at a time.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Oh my , the words on this 💕 As we have said God had a plan and we may not understand but just to know he has us in his arms. My heart has broke many many times and like you said reliving those moments in the ER waiting room. One thing for sure we reached heaven that day and I know God heard us. As I look in that babies eyes I see Maddison looking back , it gets me every time. 😢 😭