One phrase I hear often in grief support groups is, “I just want my son back,” or “I want my daughter back.”
I understand those words.
I understand the ache behind them.
I understand the desperation that causes a grieving parent to cry them out into the darkness.
Would I love it if Maddi were still here?
Absolutely.
If I could hear her laugh one more time, hug her one more time, or watch her hold her son again, I would treasure every second.
But I have never said—and I will never say—“I want my daughter back.”
Not because I don’t miss her.
Not because I don’t love her.
Not because losing her doesn’t break my heart every single day.
I will never say it because I know where she is.
Finding Peace in Heaven After the Loss of a Child
I know that Maddi is in a far better place than we are.
In fact, if I’m honest, there are moments when I am jealous that she got to go before me. She is experiencing the fullness of God’s presence while the rest of us are still walking through this broken world.
My pain does not come from wishing she would return.
My pain comes from knowing that Zane will never have his own memories of his mother.
My pain comes from knowing that twenty years wasn’t long enough to show her how deeply she was loved.
My pain comes from missing her voice, her smile, her presence, and all the moments we should have shared.
But my pain does not come from wanting her back.
Trusting God’s Plan When You Don’t Understand Loss
I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, even when we cannot understand it.
Maddi’s greatest desire was to know what unconditional love felt like.
Many people knew her struggles. Some knew them deeply, while others never knew them at all.
Maddi battled mental health challenges. She struggled with self-worth. She struggled to love herself.
Then she became a mother.
Something changed in her.
For the first time, she experienced the kind of love that transforms a person. She knew what it felt like to love someone with every fiber of her being. She understood what it meant to have someone completely depend on her.
Most importantly, she began to see herself through God’s eyes.
It was through becoming a mother that she found the confidence to surrender her life to Christ.
And I truly believe that once she gave herself fully to Him, He took her home.
That belief may be difficult for some people to understand, but it brings me peace.
God Sees What We Cannot See
The truth is that none of us know what tomorrow holds.
None of us know what Maddi’s life would have looked like a few weeks later, a few months later, or a few years later.
We don’t know what struggles were ahead.
We don’t know what pain she may have faced.
But God knew.
He saw every road she would ever walk.
He saw every victory, every heartbreak, every trial, and every temptation.
And because He knew it all, I trust Him.
When grieving parents ask how to trust God after losing a child, I believe the answer begins here: trusting that God’s perspective is greater than our own.
Learning to Place Your Child in God’s Hands
That is why I will never say I want my daughter back.
Make no mistake—it isn’t because I don’t want her here.
It’s because I love her enough to place her in God’s hands.
It’s because I love her enough to trust that where she is now is infinitely better than where she would be here.
It’s because I love her enough to lay my Isaac down.
Just as Abraham placed Isaac on the altar and trusted God completely, I have had to place my daughter in the hands of the One who loves her even more than I do.
That doesn’t mean I don’t cry.
That doesn’t mean I don’t grieve.
That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I had more time.
It simply means that my love for her is greater than my desire to hold on to her.
Hope for Grieving Parents
One day, my faith will become sight.
One day, I will see her again.
Until then, I will miss her every day, love her every day, and thank God that when she left this earth, she left knowing exactly what unconditional love felt like.
And for that, I will always be grateful.
“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” — Job 1:21
Prayer for Parents Grieving the Loss of a Child
Father,
Thank You for the gift of our children, even when our time with them is far shorter than we ever imagined. Thank You for the years, memories, laughter, and love that You allowed us to share.
Lord, when grief feels unbearable, remind us that Heaven is not a place of loss but a place of reunion. Help us trust that You see what we cannot see and know what we cannot know.
Thank You for loving our children even more perfectly than we ever could. Thank You for preparing a place where there is no pain, no fear, and no sorrow.
Until the day we see our loved ones again, give us strength to keep walking, faith to keep trusting, and hope to keep believing.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.